Alright, I've been putting this off long enough. Let's talk about support, guys.
And no, not bras (although I recommend this one for anybody who cares).
Lately, The Man* has been getting me down. And for someone who can usually push through the not-so-good times with a smile on her face, you can imagine how annoyed I am at the current situation.
*No names used so I don't get kicked out of graduate school.
The Man has never really been supportive. To be fair, he's never really been unsupportive either, he's just not one of those cheerleader types. I rarely get a "good job" from him, which means that when he does say it, it's genuine. I don't need constant support or someone consistently telling me I'm doing the right thing, but I also don't need negativity. And guess what I'm currently getting from him right now? Negativity.
I'm teaching this new course in the fall, but I feel pretty prepared for it (mostly because I've taught the corresponding lab for the past seven semesters). When I was originally offered the job, the chair of our department let me know that The Man was okay with it, but that he thought it may take me an extra semester to graduate. We'll see if that's the case (and totally okay if it is), but I sent The Man an email to let him know that I was aware of his concerns and would be vigilant in my studies. 'Cuz I'm an adult like that.
His response was less than desirable (along the lines of, "You're totally going to get overwhelmed, so be prepared"). And that's cool, yo, I can understand where he's coming from, even though he should have said something like "Glad you see my concerns" like a polite person would.
But the straw that broke the camel's back was during our lab meeting when he not only told me about how I'd be overwhelmed ("I remember teaching my first course, it's going to kick your butt."), but also said it with a smile on his face as if he couldn't wait to see me fail, even though I've never given him any reason to doubt me. In fact, I've always knocked things out of the park, so I wish just once, he'd be like, "You deserve this; you're the most prepared for this." Clearly.
Luckily all of the other professors I have run into have told me that they think I'm awesome (#humblebrag), so at least that's been good. Plus I was specifically chosen by the professor whose course it usually is, so I'm excited for that fact. I'm just annoyed with the lack of emotional support with the person that I'm supposed to be working with the closest. But that's just me.
That's all to say: I'm grateful.
I'm grateful for Amy and Jess, who went and got Mexican food and margaritas with me when I was frustrated yesterday.
I'm grateful for Emily, who knows just how to heal my soul: shopping, concerts, good food, and plenty of girl time.
I'm grateful to Twitter friends (Syndal, Joelle, Katie, Bethany) who respond back with photos of liquor, words of wisdom, and hugs.
And, I'm grateful to you, blog reader, for getting through this.