OKCupid Catastrophes: ZackAss and a Ryan Update

It's time for another round of OKCupid Catastrophes! I mean, who doesn't love living vicariously through someone else's awkwardness? 

I have gotten some pretty good bad emails. But today, I'm going to show you one of the most ridiculous emails I think I've ever received: 

I'm 99% sure his intention for being an ass and calling me plus-sized (for the record, I'm not even close, which is why it's funny and I'm not actually offended) is because he's trying to use Pick-Up Artist (PUA) manipulations. (Random, but I know some PUA "moves" cuz my friend Luke [he's the one recording the video] does seminars about this. Kind of creepy, and totally gross and manipulative.) Insulting a woman is called a "neg-hit," used to "penetrate a woman's bitch shield" (totally not making this up, my sources: here, here, and here). It's generally thought to do four things (and I'm paraphrasing this article here):

1) Since attractive woman are used to attractive, suave men hitting on them, it will confuse them, making them self-conscious. "Why isn't he hitting on me?"

2) It will make them curious. "Why isn't he acting like all the other guys?"

3) It will create a challenge for her to want to overcome. "He doesn't like me? I need to prove to him that I'm awesome/hot/worthy of him."

4) She'll know that her looks don't mean anything to you. "He must be a real man because he likes me for my personality and not my 'plus-sized' looks!"

Is it just me or does this sound totally disgusting? Regardless, I don't give a flying coitus what he intended to do, he just made himself look like an ass online (may I please point out I am not harassing him, just screen shooting his delightful email). Just so y'all don't think I'm a huge jerk, here are some quotations from his really awesome profile too: 

"I was a nice guy, but then I fell into a vat of evil, came out as an evil jerk."

"If you are a woman, you will either really love me or really hate me."

"You should message me if you're a fun, reasonably intelligent, reasonably attractive girl who likes being dominated and who can handle a guy who can be a jerk at times. Also, you should not message me if you are fat."

Since I'm "plus-sized," I didn't respond back. You know, since I'm fat and all, I shouldn't message him. ;)

Luckily for me, I had a very attractive man named Ryan (same guy from the coffee date) come over and cook me dinner last night. Since he's moving back to Indiana this week, there weren't any awkward expectations of what if we don't work out? cuz, well, he's moving! I also snuck a photo of him cooking, 'cuz what woman doesn't love a man cooking for them? Feel free to live vicariously through me:

(Sorry it's a photo of his back, I felt like saying "Can I take a photo of your beautiful face to post on my blog as evidence?" would have been super awkward.)

We probably won't see each other again considering he's going back to law school tomorrow, but he was delightful and a gentleman. And I'm kind of okay with not hanging out again, as it was a solid first experience with meeting someone from the internet.

I cannot wait to hear what y'all have to say about Zack-o-Lantern. What do you think?!

[If you have a good (bad!) online dating story, leave a comment with your email address! You can be featured on this blog with your story, plus you'll get hilarious responses!]