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I'm gonna get a little political on the blog, but it's not really what was said, it's how it was said.
(I wanted to wait until it was far enough away from elections to post this!)
And now, for the traditional airing of grievances: why I hate talking politics.
There's a woman who I've been holding a grudge against for a little over two years now. She goes to my church, but I actually met her through my bestie's parents, so I'm sure she's an upstanding woman. But I've been holding a grudge against her for so long because she said one of the most offensive things to me I've ever heard, and I cannot get over it.
I feel the need to say that I make fun of Ralph, my bestie's dad, for being--quite literally--a gun-toting Texas Republican, and he makes fun of me for being a "hippie liberal." We believe in a lot of the same things, but the teasing usually in good humor (although we usually find it more hilarious than his wife Cathy does).
Anyway, we're at a nice dinner for Cathy's birthday when somehow politics came up and Ralph (our current county Republican Chairperson) called me his Token Liberal Friend (I'm pretty moderate, but whatevs, I love gays). That's when Cathy's friend looks at me and says, "You'll change your mind once you own a house and start paying taxes." Anybody who knows me knows that 1) I bought my condo the month after I turned 22; 2) I pay taxes, thanks; and 3) I can't shut up. So of course, I responded with something along the lines of, "I own my house, actually!" And that's what she said the most offensive thing (in the most condescending voice) ever:
"You'll change your mind when you get older. You just need a little life experience."
This may not sound offensive to anybody else, but to me, she implied that my beliefs were somehow less than hers because I'm younger (and to be fair, y'all, we didn't even talk about anything political except for Ralph calling me his TLF), and that once I gained "life experience"--like the clear experience she has--I'd change my mind. I think it's so ignorant to believe that someone else's opinion is lesser than others, especially since this was the first time I met her! Ugh. Ru'e!
What's the most offensive thing anybody has ever said to you?!
38 comments:
Ugh. This is why I hate politics. You should have punched her. Kidding....kinda :P
The most offensive thing ever said to me was that when I have children I would "finally learn the meaning of life and what is important." This same person also told me that I wouldn't know what "true love" is until I have a baby. I find this incredibly offensive because there are many women out there who are physically unable to have children, not of their own fault. Does that mean they will never know true love or the importance of life?
Ugghh that would make my blood boil! How annoying!!
The most offensive words I often hear usually result from people (uh, my "hippie" coworkers) saying something about the military.
I'm the only person at my school with a true military connection (I hate to say it, but I don't care if you brother's friend's cousin has been to Iraq...which is the kind of story I get a lot).
Anyway, my husband has spent half our marriage in the middle east and it never fails: someone will say, "Yeah, we just need to get out of there" and you can't even try to explain how it really works to "civilians". They just love to repeat what they hear on the evening news. (Or what their brother's cousin's friend told them 4 years ago).
*I apologize to anyone I offend with this comment*
You're a cool civilian, Sar :) And this is why talking politics is a losing game.
I would have been very offended, in fact I am offended. I have heard so many hateful things this last election and it made me so mad! I don't like people insinuating that I have no morals or values because I am liberal. I do, just not the same as theirs.
OMG my uncle is this same way. he is a partner at the law firm I work at and he stomped in here the day after the election and was all "I KNOW you voted for Obama." and I just sat here silently and he promptly told me "I was ruining this country" and some of the same things you experienced, "wait until it affects me more" and all the terrible things I'd see happen to me (higher taxes, higher property taxes, etc.). I sat here and didn't say a a word because cussing out your uncle at work is frowned upon. ughhh. He also implied it's a product of my age and naievete. barf.
I honestly can't think of what the most offensive thing said to me is, though I'm sure in a day or two, I'll remember something.
But this post disgusts me. It's one of the main reasons why I had politics!
Most people would call me a liberal, but I do feel I fall mostly in the moderate category. And I know there are times I make a joke when I'm with friends who have the same beliefs as I do.
But I get so upset when people post it all over social media. Just yesterday, one "friend" from high school put a huge rant about Obama on her FB and someone commented: "I can not believe there were people who voted for him...oh wait...it was the people who don't work and don't care about debt" People can be so harsh, and I'm not always sure they even realize what they're doing.
EW! That made my blood boil and I wasn't even there to hear it!
My husband is 36. He owns a house. And he pays a fat amount of taxes.
My husband has also lived in four countries, has more passport stamps than anyone I know and has taken a bullet for our country. So, ya know. I'd say he's high on life experience.
And he's a Dem. (I am too, but I'm probably not old enough for this lady.)
To assume that one's political beliefs are due to lack of life experience is honestly the rudest thing I've ever heard. UGH. I will now mentally B-slap that lady for you. ;)
I've had a similar thing said to me, too. Which is ironic because I have more life experience at 24 than most people do who are middle-aged. *eye roll*
The whole world knows I am no bra wearin'*, hairy legged** libber and I AM DAMN PROUD OF IT.
Worst thing someone has told me? The other day the 11 year old friend of the kid I nanny for said I looked like Ke$ha. But the Ke$ha without makeup. Uhhhh. Offensive. But I will admit she is prettier without all that makeup on. Ha!
*I do wear a bra. But I only own like two.
**I shave them in the summer only. It f'n cold here in the winter. I need that extra layer of insulation.
Whenever I hear people talking about politics I usually turn my head around, and just ignore it. With my immediate family, we talk about politics and those talks are pretty heated, but they are my family and 3 of us are in the same party and the other 6 are not, so it's always us against them but no one gets so upset that we dont talk for a week.
The most offensive thing someone has told me is that I would not graduate from High school and end up pregnant in High school. I have an associate and will get my bachelors next year and I got married before I had my daughter.
People are so rude. (Sorry this turned our so long.)
How annoying. I really hate when people try to demean others with different views, as if yours are somehow unfounded. I would have asked her if she was more liberal when she was young and her 'experience' changed her views. Doubt it!
I am the complete opposite of most of your blog comments so far, and I hope that you don't mind a little healthy debate. But I feel like while you're calling her ignorant, it's also showing yourself as ignorant for discounting the advice this woman may have for you or the experiences that led her to believe what she did. Instead of asking her why she believes this, you automatically got insulted and acted on impulse. She is in no way implying your beliefs are less because you're younger...she is simply pointing out (very accurately) that beliefs and opinions change as you get older based on many things. It's not an insult.
Wow, I can feel my blood boiling just thinking about what I'd say if I were in your position. I had a lot of offensive things said when people found out I voted for McCain instead of Obama. I told people over and over that I really didn't mind either candidate, but McCain just had the edge because of his stance on the military. But of course that didn't matter, I got a lot of silly racist jokes and that got old really fast.
I'd have been offended if I were you too. How rude!!
Although I don't get into politics, and have not been offended in that area - about a year ago the lady in the cafeteria here at work asked me if I were having a baby. I was not even close to pregnant, but I was terribly offended!!
Wow, don't you just LOVE rude people?! I'm a pretty conservative gal and I was very offended by some of the stuff people ASSUMED about me and my beliefs when they heard who I voted for in the past election. Ugh!
PS-I saw that you followed my blog today and my life is now complete ;)
I almost feel sorry for that woman. Sounds as if she is incapable of verbalizing her own political beliefs without denigrating others' beliefs. Sad. Then again, perhaps she is just an insensitive boor in all aspects, not just this one. I think we can all agree that beliefs and opinions change as people change, but we must also agree that it is supremely disrespectful to trivialize anyone's belief or opinion, which this woman absolutely did.
I'd be upset too. Especially since she prejudged your life experiences without even knowing. I do think this is a perfect example though of why this country is broken. No one is willing to see things any way besides there own. What happened to tolerance and cooperation? Ugh. I'm sorry that happened!
Yelch that just made my skin crawl! I can't stand condescending people like that! You should have been like, oh you'll change your mind once you get a heart! Or whatever our liberal stereotype is!
Wow, ignorant or not, the way someone says something can make a huge difference. If she does have any wisdom to share, she's not going to get anyone to listen with a bad attitude.
Election season always has me shaking my head. So many people just think it's okay to talk down to and lecture people when it comes to politics. It is possible to still remain respectful when views differ, but most people don't.
This is why I tend to steer clear of political topics...people go on tirades! Did you hold your tongue after that?! I would have had a few quips to say right back to her!
Most offensive things anyone has ever said to me usually go along with my age...being young...etc. It makes no sense to me, but I think it makes people feel better about themselves when they point out the obvious. Yes, I know I'm young, but, I am allowed to have an opinion.
Ugggg politics. It's amazing to me how some people can be SO BLIND to their own personal bias and will stick to it REGARDLESS of the logic behind it.
Case in point: over Christmas I was having a perfectly lovely conversation with some family members. The topic turned to taxes (for some unknown reason)and my uncle turned to me and said: "well if YOUR President has his way..." and it was like uhhh dude we are all Americans here. Even if you didn't vote for the guy he is still your president. I remember being really upset because he attacked me for no reason--in fact I don't think I had even contributed to that conversation!
So I'm sorry for your uncomfortable encounter! I don't blame you for holding a grudge!
Ugh, this made my skin totally crawl! I, too, am a proud Democrat (and a huge hippie liberal, just sayin') and have owned my own beautiful home since I was 22 years old. My husband and I are both college educated, he has two Master's degrees and works as a CPA. I am a stay-at-home mom and am able to be, which I do count my blessings for. But I guess I don't know much about life, either, huh? Ugh. So frustrating!
I've definitely had people say much more offensive things to me, but seriously - this is my issue with so many members of the Republican party...they assume that ALL 20-somethings are unemployed, liberal, free loading hippies that have no better understanding of the state.
I get called a "hippie liberal" all the time...which is hilarious because I was a Political Science major and learned how to be a moderate. I don't understand why voting for Obama makes me such a liberal.
The big thing that gets me these days, is all of the right wing "Obama is a dictator" banter that keeps going on. Both of my parents grew up under dictatorial regimes and they can tell anyone that Obama is the furthest thing from a dictator that this country has ever seen.
The Bush regime (and no, I'm not blaming Bush himself since I do think it was Congress more than anything) completely turned politics in this country upside down to the point where I have lost friends who can "no longer be associated with my left wing beliefs" and to the point where so-called 'left' and 'right' wing people cannot associate with one another. Society has demanded that we choose a side and those of us who consider ourselves to be somewhere in the middle...are left defending ourselves which is so, so sad.
That comment would irritate me, too - the idea that when you get to be a certain age, you'll think like someone else. If everyone of a certain age thought the same way, why would we bother having an election to determine the president?
I'm a conservative, but people assuming people are stupid just because they're young annoys me. I get it about other non-political topics. "Oh, you'll understand when..." Um, excuse me, just because I'm under 30, that doesn't mean I'm a moron. And just because we have different opinions, doesn't mean I'm an idiot.
Ugh, I hate it when people make those blatant statements about people's political views being tied to their intelligence. I have a coworker who does it all the time. He's going to get himself in trouble someday...and I kind of hope he does.
Oooooooh I hate that! As a teacher of teenagers I would never be so disrespectful to them just because they're younger than me. I think that's a huge problem in schools. We treat youth as less than valuable when they have tons of things to teach us.
I guess that's sort of off topic here but yes that's an ignorant thing to say to you! I get that from time to time from my family and it drives me nuts. a grown woman, y'all!
Geeze, wonder when I'll grow up and be a republican. At 61 I better hurry.
Daddy
That's RIDICULOUS. I'm pissed at her just from reading this post.
The topic of abortion really gets me... And I know, well I don't know but I feel, I'm always on the minority side of the fence. I'll let you guess which side you think that is. Haha
Dontcha just love being talked down to? She sounds like a piece of work.
I was offended earlier this year when an older coworker of mine heard about my engagement. She didn't even ask how my fiance proposed, all she said was "and how old are you?" I replied with 21. She smiled and said "that's cute". She didn't even ask for details of the proposal! I was so offended. Little does she know I've been with the same guy for longer than her marriage lasted :)
I'm not inclined to talk politics (I know next to nothing, which is a shame, but eh) but in any context it is shameful when someone tells you how you will or should feel. People shouldn't make assumptions - which is why I get upset when people assume everyone on welfare is just using the system. My mother worked two jobs, had 3 kids she provided for and heaven forbid we used food stamps or ate government peanut butter.
I think one of the most offensive things said to me was when I was younger (high school) and dating Alfred (my now husband!) and I heard from multiple people that "He would bring me down. I will end up pregnant. And won't ever graduate from college. I'm too smart for someone like him. And I'll see the mistakes when I'm older."
I could understand why they'd say that. I was only 16, but I was a smart 16 year old and I feel like people just assumed because he was a "wild child" that I was weak-minded enough to get into trouble or something??
I'm not sure, but it's been a damn good feeling knowing that ignoring those people resulted in an 11 year relationship with my best friend and the father to a wonderful 2 year old girl. (Who we had AFTER I graduated from college!)
In yo' faces, bitches.
ugh nothing worse than offensive comments like that, i'm sorry! but you express yourself so well..i am a moderate just like you!
adore your darling blog, now following!
xo chaseandem.blogspot.com
Ignorance is on both sides. It's silly of that lady to think conservatives have it all right, especially because of life experience? Psh. I don't think all "liberals" are dumb, so don't think I'm dumb/immature/inexperienced/young because I have different beliefs than you, Mrs. Grumpy Gills.
Sorry this happened, friend. Politics are like that ugly wart on your grandmother's face. No matter how badly you want to turn away and NOT look, you just... got to. I wish we could all forget about the wart, instead of expressing our opinions about it every dang second. It's still gonna be on dear ol' Granny no matter what you/I think about it. Right? Right. (This analogy made no sense. I need a nap.)
Wow, definitely a bitchy remark that would've offended me too! I'm like you, I try to steer away from talking politics because it usually gets too heated. But this comment? Is one I wouldn't have been able to ignore.
I hate when people do that too! It sucks. The worst thing I was ever told... There were 2 actually, my 6 month old son needed a heart transplant, the day he received this wonderful gift someone told us, I just hate it for the family whose child {had to die} so Carter could get that heart! Um excuse me, their child was gone and they made a VERY difficult decision to save anothers life, its not my child's fault! Anyway the second one is once my son passed away (complications from the heart transplant) I just hate that new heart was wasted since he passed away too. It could have saved another child. If it was something they said to my face I would have went ape sh!t on them but it was over the phone and not directly to me but the room of people. Sorry that was a bit of a rant :)
Hailey @ Love, Laughter and Lipstick
Boooo. I hate when people try to make themselves sound so much better than you/me/whatever! It's offensive for sure and I think that's extremely rude of her to say that. Everyone lives their lives differently, so there's no need to go around judging people who are different than you. Just makes you seem like a smug asshole. [oops, I swore, sorry]
Ooh, people make comments about me being ugly/having a big nose to my face. and i'm old, lol! it still hurts, but a little less each time. that was very ignorant what she said! ugh.
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